Chapter 189

Soon as we get out the door Mico flanks me on one side with Alexi on the other and we are instantly
surrounded by more Carrero security. Like a black wall that’s impenetrable and offers instant calm to
my frazzled brain. Guiding us efficiently and shielding us from all angles. Overkill, but I guess I’m
thankful for it.

“What about the rest of her outfit?” Alexi asks as we walk briskly out of the building, the first to leave,
but I can already hear chairs scraping as others depart, now we have. Some of them eager to walk
away now they've found a resolution to this debacle.

It’s weird how something that hung over us for months is tied up with a bow in one very brief sitting. I
can’t get my head around the fact the threat is gone, and I no longer need to live under house arrest for
any reason. A sudden lightness to my mood as the heavy weight of burden is lifted.

“Most departed as soon as they heard their source of income was about to be put down. No one is
loyal when they’re hired hands. Santagato’s men have already taken down anyone true to her. We
stayed back and watched, exactly like you said. No Carrero laid hands on any of them, nothing comes
back to us.” Mico touches his earpiece and mutters something under his breath for his men’s ears only.
Stalling so he falls behind us slightly and I try to just continue with my graceful, poised walk out of this
miserable place.

I slide my arm in Alexi’s, needing him to be more normal for me right now, aching for his touch as my
heart rate still pounds erratically through my body, silently clinging on, but he continues talking. Too
aware that we are on show and he can’t let that mask drop just yet, not even for me while in public.

“Good. I’ll call my father and tell him it’s done. He can inform the family that Santagato chose his own
repay. Carrero didn’t issue any orders. Can’t be pissed if I didn’t disobey them.” He sounds smug,
satisfied with the hand he played, and somehow miraculously got the outcome he wanted all along—
clever bastard.



Even I have to admit that’s probably a smart way around it.

“An eventful weekend all round.” Mico reappears by my side with a smile on his face and Alexi smiles
too, glancing my way with a loaded look. Understatement of the century.

I don’t know how to feel if I’m being honest. I just gave the final command to end that woman’s life and I
should feel something. Maybe guilt or regret but there is an empty black hole in my gut, and I feel like
I’m disconnected to my surroundings now we are no longer in that room. Stuck in a dreamlike haze.
Maybe because I spent my life dissociating with horrible things, so it’s like second nature and I can just
shrug it off and leave it behind me. Maybe this is how Alexi deals with shit. He’s normalised trauma and
heinous acts and can drop them by the door as he walks away like an unwanted sack of rubble.

I feel out of whack and jump when Alexi’s hand slides across my back and snaps me back to reality. I
realise we are out on the street, standing at the car door, and he is trying to guide me inside away from
prying eyes. I have turned zombie on him and shivering with the after-effects of that room. Mental state
deteriorating a tad.

“Just hold it in for a few more minutes until we are out of sight, and earshot.” He whispers huskily in my
ear, kissing me on my temple to hide his rushed prompt. I bite on my bottom lip, get in the car while
holding onto his arm and slide across to let him in quickly. He follows suit, gets in and immediately pulls
out his phone and looks down to type. Staying in role and I try to not rush over to throw myself at him
despite needing to so badly. I’m folding in on myself internally and I need my rock and anchor to help
me get my head back on track. I need my gentle Lexi, not this Mafia boss beside me.

I catch a glimpse of men in the hoards departing the building, splitting into cars and just keep my eyes
forward on the road, face tight and emotions in check. We are still on show which I guess is why Alexi
is not touching me a lot. They would see it as weak or odd for him to be tenderly mollycoddling me after
that little scene. These are men who deal with far worse, so if he is seen tending to my fragile self after
something so minor, it would prove I don’t have the constitution for this life, and he’s going soft.



It’s all smoke and mirrors and games.

I keep it together with all my might, watching the road as Mico and our escort of cars navigate through
the tight little streets of the colourful Chinatown and gets us back on track, heading out to Upper
Manhattan. Back into fast traffic and homeward bound.

Once we lose most of the foreign cars that had followed us, Alexi turns to check over his shoulder and
the side windows before turning to me, scoots closer, pulls me against him in a hug and slides his arm
around me. Secure in the knowledge we are finally out of sight and he knows I desperately need him in
this way.

“You okay? I’m sorry I had to put you through that, but it was necessary.” He slides both arms around
me to envelop me, pulling me in tightly so my seatbelt strains and I rest my cheek on his chest; I close
my eyes to breathe him in and return to that safety he always makes me feel. Unloading the heavy
weight of everything like dumping off a huge thick coat. Suddenly able to breathe and realise how
tightly I was holding myself until this moment. I dissolve into a mess of loose limbs now he has me. I
can let it go, knowing he will take the burden away.

“I will be. It was a shock. You should have warned me what was coming, Lexi. I could have prepared
myself for that.” My voice trembles and I close my eyes as his finger traces my cheek and brushes my
hair away from my face tenderly. So familiar, and so necessary for me.

“I didn’t know for sure it would. Santagato was still trying to get a reach out on everyone in her
organisation until I got that text. We weren’t sure if we had everyone covered as the meeting was so
rushed and last minute. We had no room for error or backlash. It had to be one even sweep or it wasn’t
happening.” He kisses me on top of my head, lingering to inhale my scent and ground me fully; I slide
my arms around him and deflate completely. Head whirling with images of men suffocating right in front
of my face. Pushing the horror away along with the broken face of that woman. I shudder slightly as I
close them down tight in a black hole far in the depths of my mind.



“So, they're all gone?”

The complete wipeout of a threat in a very organised hour. It’s mind-boggling that they could
orchestrate that kind of efficiency in just one night.

“She had a lot of paid guns who were only too happy to walk away to fight another day. Her trust circle
was small, and the two men with her were her stepsons, not blood. Their father died years ago. There
is no one to come after this. It’s over. Her family abroad won’t retaliate, they wanted nothing to do with
this.” He assures me and there is no hint of dishonesty in his tone. It really is over.

I’m guessing they reached out via his father and checked what the outcome of doing something to her
would be. Her family clearly had more sense than she did.

“What a stupid woman. Thinking she could take on the likes of you lot and live to tell the tale.” I shake
my head, pulling back to get lost in those calming grey eyes. Finding the safe harbour in the pale
unearthly beauty.

“She thought she had figured it all out, much like her idiot father did decades ago. Come in with a show
of force and put fear into the other heads. Bully them into letting you lead. The logic is flawed. You
should always know your opponents and their capabilities before throwing down a gauntlet. I was never
going to just brush this off.”

“She wanted power and position. She just went about it in the worst way.” I understand the silly girl’s
logic and I blanch at why she ever thought it would work. These are men who have power and a
ruthless desire to keep it. They don’t hand it over to women with attitude that easily. Her gender was
the first fault in her plan.

“Should have married me, huh; maybe she would be sitting at the head of the next table issuing orders
if she had.” He jests but I don’t smile. This whole bizarre scene wasn’t funny, but I see the funny in
what he said. I spent my life trying to be someone and in one drunken Elvis service, I’m suddenly a



respected figure among the men I hated and endured my entire life. It really is a fucked-up world out
there.

She wanted this power; she fought and killed for it, and where is she now. Left in a room with
murderous men who will make her last hours hell on earth, for merely trying to get what they have, in
ways they probably gained it to begin with. The imbalance of this misogynist world we live in.

“Let’s go home. This has been a hellish few days and I just want to curl up and have a normal day to
forget all this.” I’m exhausted, mentally and physically, and feel like we've been stuck in an emotional
whirlwind for the last few days. I want nothing more than his couch, Alexi and Lync curled up beside
me, some mindless Netflix box set and a good glass of red wine. Pretending none of this is real. Like
normal people do. Home sounds like the most amazing thing at this moment.

To detach and put this all to bed. To forget, to be wrapped in the bubble of ‘Camlexi’ where this reality is
a blur and doesn’t really touch me anymore.

“I second that. I need to go out later, but you can have me all to yourself for a few hours first. My father
is flying in, we have a board meeting tonight to talk about how this went down.”

Obviously not something they want to discuss over the phone.

I sigh at the reality of this life and just nod. This is how it will always be, well, until the day he retires,
and our casino beckons us. Until the day he is free of the responsibility of heading this family and
having so many rely on him. This is what happens when you marry the King. I knew this when I got into
things with him, and I have to accept that that world will always have a place in who he is.

I wanted a place where I could live between the two. Unable to exist in suburban reality, but neither did
I want to live in the underworld of crime, sex and murder, and Alexi gives me that weird in-between
place I never knew existed. By his side, I can walk either way at any time, and live in the grey area
most have no concept of. The place he has been dwelling most of his life with his men, his father and



anyone else who has to wear two personas and be two different people. I feel like, somehow, this is
how I was always supposed to end up. Not choosing one or the other to find my happiness but
choosing him and letting it all slot into place.

I curl up tightly in his embrace and sigh heavily, everything seeping away so there is only the feel of
him and all the peace that comes with it.

“It’s over. Finally. Maybe now we can start living and work on this crazy marriage of ours.”

“The marriage isn’t crazy, just the wife.” He chuckles in a funny retort and gets a swift slap in the
abdomen for his cheek. My unamused scowl at his jest before he hauls me to him and kisses me firmly,
pushing it to passionate immediately as he buries his hands in my hair and reminds me why we work
so well.

Putting an end to the conversation and reminding me of all the reasons he makes me crazy, in one fell
swoop.

My head's a mess and I just need some normality for a few days to get all of this in order. To let go of
the angst and chaos and ugly memories which I know I’m capable of. I have witnessed some awful
things in life, been at the receiving end and still lived to tell the tale. Guilt is something I’m good at
letting go of and I’m sure in a few days I won’t remember that bitch's name.

She fucked with the wrong couple.

I need to figure out what is happening with the club and where I’m meant to live now that we’re married,
and where we go from here. There is so much up in the air clogging up my brain and now we are back
on home turf and I’m free to wander about in my life without severe security, I intend to sort it out once
and for all.



It doesn’t take long to get to the apartment. We are escorted by two men up to our floor who then
vacate to the little security room with the regular staff here. Leaving us to our home with privacy as
though they are not even here. It’s all very swift and silent and Alexi barely acknowledges them, such is
the normality of it for him. It will take some getting used to, and I was only just beginning to tolerate
Jackson as my shadow. I hope to God that isn’t the end of him being my sidekick as I will miss him like
crazy.

Jackson knows me and my moods, he knows my schedule and my likes, so I will put my foot down and
cling onto that little gem as my permanent bodyguard. Alexi will say yes because it’s me and I’m
learning that he rarely refuses me if I ask in the right way.

Boy is becoming someone I can wrap around my little finger.

Lync comes tearing at us as soon as we walk into the open living room, the gorgeous smell and sight of
his home, air filled with something delicious from Mrs Capone, bubbling on the stove for our arrival.
Alexi steps in front of me and commands him ‘down’ before he takes a flying leap at us in his
excitement. He is a flurry of wagging, fluffy, ecstatic wriggling to get against us and a lot of tongue
licking at any part of our anatomy he can get to. It’s a happy homecoming that does its best to drag
away the last dregs of the dark cloud hovering over me. All of this just fits and is the place I have been
looking to belong to my whole life.

Ecstatic to be back here in surroundings that have quickly become necessary to me. An extension of
him so no wonder it feels right. I wouldn’t change anything about this apartment at all.

Alexi crouches down and gives him a proper rub and hug, rolling him onto his back for a tummy
massage and I pad past them to wander over to the sitting area, discarding bag, jacket and shoes as I
go. Relieved to be doing so. I give them their few minutes of male bonding time as I know Lync will
come cosy up to me right after. I missed that furry beast in some weird way.



I get to the couch and flop down like an empty rubble sack and slide my legs along the seat before
exhaling loudly. This feels like the one place in the world where nothing can touch us anymore, and if
I’m being honest, I wouldn’t mind if this is the permanent home. He hasn’t mentioned if it will be, but I
would assume so seeing as this is Alexi’s choice of home. It’s the best of all worlds, really. Has cosy
touches similar to his bolthole but the modern sleek design of the club and his other apartment. It’s
spacious, with more room than we would ever need, with a garden on the roof and around the clock
security. My idea of heaven.

I could stay here until the end of time and never feel caged in. It’s perfection in a building and it’s both
sides of the man I love, colliding into one.

How could I not love it and all within?

“I’ll be back in a second. I have something for you; I just need to check where it’s been put.” Alexi
wanders past me, throwing me a charming smile and I sit up, blinking after him as he disappears
towards the stairs near his office. Wondering when the hell he had something for me sent here and
when he even arranged it or why. I should get used to his surprises, he’s a man of sentiment and I
guess he will fill my future with random gifts at odd moments when I least expect them.

Not sure this is the best timing for something romantic and gifted, but then again, maybe it is and will
help settle me down and forget this morning.

I pick up the remote, sink back on the couch and lazily channel hop while trying to clear my mind of
images of what we just left. Hating that they are plaguing me, but then it’s only just happened, and I
reckon I’m still in a weird state of numbed shock. I have been through this before and it will pass, it
always does. I just need a good distraction until it goes away.

Those men. It was brutal and will probably haunt me for days yet. I know it will fade, much like seeing
him kill one or two other men in the past few months has, and over time, I might not care anymore



when I’m exposed to shit like this. But for now, my head's churning it over and making me feel sick and
antsy.

Marianne—well, what can I say about her. It was long overdue, and she brought it on herself. She tried
to take me twice and I have no doubt she intended to have me killed. She’s not worth my brain space.

I think what got me the most was the lack of human response in that room. All those men, uncaring and
disregarding human life so easily. No one was shocked or scared that they were murdering people in
front of them. No one worrying about the backlash. It’s horrible to know people like that exist in the
world and they do such things with the same nonchalance as someone taking the rubbish out. It’s a
normal way of life for them. None of them cared at all, and I doubt any are sitting mulling it over an hour
later.

It will be a normal way of life as long as I choose to be with him, so I need to man up and let it go. I
made my bed, and I accepted all of this. It’s not much worse than the shit I have done in my past and
it’s something that's normal in his world.

Alexi reappears carrying a large hat box, and it distracts me from my thoughts, sitting me up with
intrigue, I put my feet back on the ground to eye him warily.

“You know I don’t wear hats, right?” I point out with a tone that sounds a little condescending. Not sure
why in hell he would suddenly buy me one and despite myself, I feel stupidly disappointed. I don’t want
to be ungrateful but seriously … men don’t buy women hats. It’s plain weird. I thought he had more
taste and insight than that.

Alexi carries it unusually carefully and slides it onto the table in front of me, pushing Lync back who
seems overly interested in it for some reason. Sniffing it in a rather rabid manner and almost breaking
my leg with his ecstatic tail wagging. Whatever the hat is made of, it clearly gets dogs excited, which
makes me even more apprehensive about what the hell it is.



Alexi sits beside me, taking over the couch and takes the tv remote from me and discards it beside him.
Looking cool as a cucumber despite my obvious lack of excitement. It’s that cocky arrogance of a man
who is sure his woman will like his offering, even if she looks unimpressed so far.

He’s strange.

“It’s not a hat. It’s something I figured you would love when Jackson told me about it. I’m sorry about
the timing, but I figure it’s a good distraction.” He smiles at me softly, no hint of anything suggesting
he’s worried I'll hate it, and I just blink at him and then the hat box and back again. My gut telling me
that maybe it’s something worse than a hat if it requires a box this size.

“It’s not a head in a box or anything like that?” I’m sceptical, he is a Mafia boss after all, and I have
visions of some severed head, maybe Marianne’s, sitting in there, oozing fluids. I mean, that’s what
they do in Hollywood gangster movies.

We just left her with that gang of thugs to be beaten, tortured and slain so maybe it’s not hers, but I’m
sure it has to be something equally significant to celebrate my move to Queen Carrero. Maybe Rick’s
ashes or some shit. I don’t know, Alexi can be weird sometimes.

Okay not that weird, maybe I need to stop with the over-thinking sometimes, I even scare myself with
my conclusions that are never right. It might not be ashes … it might be someone’s hand or foot. Might
even be someone’s genitals to show me some rancid past abuser is too dickless to hurt me again.

Okay, Camilla, stop now.

Sometimes I even freak myself out.

Alexi shakes his head at me, almost like he can hear my babbling thoughts, and smiles encouragingly.



“No more Godfather movies for you, London. I sometimes wonder what goes on in your head. It’s not a
body part. It’s not something disturbing. I’m not a sociopath, despite the earlier confusion on that
subject.”

I give him a sardonic look of ‘ha’ and shove his arm away as he tries to prod me in the face with his
pointer finger.

“Okay, give me a hint. I don’t think I can take any more surprises after this morning. If it’s not something
gruesome then what is it?”

Alexi sighs and loses the last of his non-existent patience, hauling the lid off rather than answer me and
pulls the box closer to the edge of the table. That impulsive streak of his would be almost adorable if he
wasn’t such a stroppy git with it sometimes. Ruining his own surprise.

From my vantage point, it looks empty, so I screw up my face and lean forward to scrutinise the
contents, warily edging nearer in case it’s some sort of jack in the box waving around someone’s ring
finger or some shit. I jump in surprise when a little furry ginger ball pops up and scares me half to
death. It’s mobile, breathing and makes a noise.

I literally jump, squeal and cling to Alexi when it lets out a sad, pathetic little miaow. A tiny wail that
stops me in my tracks and makes me peer at the hairy gremlin again, with a less suspicious mindset.

“It’s not going to eat you. I mean, after that mangy, flea-bitten …” Alexi sounds sarcastic but the glare I
throw him stops him mid-sentence. A look that tells him I might castrate him if he carries on.

Criticising my feral baby.

He just stops. Knowing my glare of ‘don’t you fucking dare’ which seems to cool his jets, and he
switches to a charming smile instead to cover his misdemeanour.



The miaow calls to me again and I’m so drawn I completely forget all else. I lean in to peer at the
delicate little bundle of ginger stripes and fluffy white tummy and really take stock that it's not some
rabid gargoyle at all. It’s a kitten. A little blue-eyed poofy bundle, crying desperately to be picked up.
Cooing and calling me to adore its precious little fluffiness.

I do so, without hesitation and pull it into my lap to cradle and stroke immediately with careful hands,
glowing with the way its warm, precious little body fills them. Babies I don’t do but this, well, it is heart
melting gorgeousness that makes you want to rub your face on its ickle belly.

“You bought me a kitten.” Tears hit me, eyes misting up as I lovingly pet the little thing, and Alexi leans
over and uses one finger to ruffle the fur between its ears delicately. Totally not an Alexi move, and I
just give him an adoring watery smile, my heart full to bursting. Morning forgotten, fears, anxiety and
guilt, all lost in a white fluffy wave of 'ahh'.

“Figured it was this or a baby.” He laughs devilishly and I throw him another serious glare, followed by a
swipe with a scatter cushion which he dodges. It’s way too soon to be joking about all the shit that’s
gone down these last few days and he just shrugs at me. Doing what he does best I guess, making
light of things others wouldn’t and somehow taking away the heavy doom and gloom of the topic. He’s
still a dickhead sometimes, but he’s my dickhead.

“You are so full of surprises.” I genuinely beam at him, unable to tear my eyes away from this loving,
wriggling little parcel.

It’s true. I would never in a million years have expected to come home to Alexi having bought me a tiny
kitten. I don’t even know why he did it or when he arranged this, but I love her, she’s the cutest thing
I’ve ever seen, like Feral without all the battle scars, only much smaller. As she curls her little paws
around my hand and licks my thumb, I grin like a lunatic. Insides melting, heart filling and senses all
going gaga.



Everything forgotten when faced with such cuteness overload. I really needed this more than I ever
thought I would, she heals so many wounds from this past year. She’s all mine, and she fills a small
dark place inside of me that Feral left behind.

My heart swells and I go all ‘goo’ and ‘ahh’ for this bitty little thing. Instant adoration for how sweet she
is, and that warm gooey feeling normally associated with human offspring in most women. I love her
already.

“Jackson is the one who told me they were looking for homes. He found the mother and her litter
behind the club and took them home a few weeks back, so there’s a good chance the father was Feral.
He didn’t want to upset you by telling you so soon after we found him, so he has been taking care of
them and been calling her Red.”

“Feral?” I gawp up at him and then back at Red and blink away the sudden tears that swim in front of
my eyes, suddenly overwhelmed by the connection which now holds even more weight. I can’t explain
the way it makes me feel as it’s so all-consuming on many levels. I want to cry and squeeze her, hug
him and dance in circles all at the same time. Feral’s baby, his legacy and here she is, coming home to
me. It seems right.

“Yeah, figured that would make her more special and hence why I had to take her. They turned sixteen
weeks yesterday and Jackson really needed to get them out of his house now they are climbing the
curtains and eating him out of house and home. She’s ripe for a forever home.” Alexi leans down and
pets Lync who is still clambering for attention, giving him some adoration to curb any jealous reaction,
pulling him between his legs and giving him a hug. Lync just continues to stare at his new sister and
whines because he wants to sniff her.

It seems really odd to me that two men like Alexi and Jackson have been having kitten conversations.
Call me crazy, but he's not who I met that day in the hospital so long ago. That Alexi Carrero was not a



kitten buying, kitten naming type at all. He wasn’t even a dog man and looking at him now, giving Lync
so much affection I melt completely.

My heart is heavy with happiness and pain for my unforgotten feline, and I just stare at her, seeing
more similarity to him now. The little angry face despite purring away. The way her fur starts strong and
red and fades to almost white by the time it reaches her tail. Unusual striping and a lot of personality in
that silent little stare she has fixed on me.

“She’s perfect. I love her. I really do, Lexi.” I break into soft tears and nuzzle her to my face, revelling in
her tiny little body rubbing against me, laughing stupidly when she licks my nose, and he slides his
hand up my back to comfort me.

“Thought you might. Are we keeping the name? Red?” Alexi lets Lync go and slides me closer to him
so he can drape an arm around me casually. Clearly comfortable with the adoption of a new pet that
might sharpen her claws on all he owns.

“Red? I like it. Maybe Gino will stop calling me it if we have an actual Red in the house.” I stroke its tiny
head, listening to the whimpering baby noises and beam as its vibrating body purrs itself into a quick
slumber, still curled as I lay her down gently. She seems content anyway, and she's a little chubby
monster whom I predict will soon have Lync terrorised, if she is anything like me.

Alexi’s big bad wolf is sitting with a cocked head watching her at a distance with both interest and
confusion, unsure if he wants to get close. He’s a gentle giant so I have no doubts he won’t hurt her,
but he will soon get to know this little kitty has claws.

Lync and Red.

Alexi and Camilla.



The similarity is not lost on me and that poor dog doesn’t know what he is getting himself into. I almost
feel sorry for him and gaze at Alexi with the same kind of empathy, giggling to myself when I see the
connection. What he has to put up with, in me.

“You’re good at distraction, you know that?” I lean into Alexi and nudge him with my shoulder, more
than aware of how he just swooped in with this little thing right at a moment my head was spiralling out
of control. Bringing me peace like he always does. He just seems to know how to pull me out of a black
hole and bring back a level of sanity to my messy head.

“It’s my job. Keeping you happy. Putting up with small furry psychos that will probably grow up to leave
permanent scars on my legs,” he jests, smiling down at me, and I rest my head against him to watch
her sleep.

He strokes Red again but this time his other hand slides on top of Lync’s and he pets them both
simultaneously. My eyes wander from Red to Lync and I sigh with the weird contentment this little
scene gives me.

“Guess we have a ready-made family after all.” That statement sends my giggles into overdrive and
Red miaows in protest as I move with laughter. Annoyed I woke her up and that just gets me even
more. Insanely happy so suddenly and I can’t contain it.

“She’s a little diva already. I love her. She’s perfect.” I give Alexi a peck on the cheek and am rewarded
with him catching my chin in his fingers and get pulled back for a proper kiss. Sinking a passionate one
on me that curls my toes and leaves me wanting more. Moulding me to him awkwardly so I can leave
her on my lap while sliding my arms around his neck. Devouring him needily.

Breaking away, breathless and hot, aching for something more than a kiss now he has me fired up. I
slide my sleeping baby onto the couch and watch her with adoration as she curls into a ball on the fluffy



cushions. Lync pads over to sit on the floor and props himself below her, matching her pose and makes
it clear he is taking on the role of guard dog and protector for our new little princess.

Alexi smiles, tugs me onto his lap away from the duo and smooths back my hair in the way he always
does. That gentle caress that is uniquely him.

“Takes after her mother.” Another smile, dimples and all, and it floors me completely.

“See, you’re learning. I’ll make a romantic of you yet Mr Carrero,” I purr happily, easily sliding against
him fully, fitting snugly in the best possible way.

“Over my dead body. Rom-what?” Alexi grins, capturing me in another kiss and pulls me in close for a
make-out session that will definitely end up in the bedroom. No better way to forget all the drama that
surrounds us than getting lost in a happy naked place where he reminds me of all the good skills he
has.

He’s right—who needs romance when you have him?


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